The Dangers of a Startup

All the women I meet lately ask me what it is that I do. When I tell them I’m doing a startup they look at me with their big doll eyes like a scared Lana Wood with the mysterious Sean Connery and say, “Isn’t that dangerous?” I usually respond with a simple “Sometimes (dramatic pause) but a man’s gotta do…” And with that she becomes putty in my hands and I’ve pretty much acquired a VIP pass to her pants.

The life of a founder is a dangerous but highly lucrative one. It’s a very fast and most often short path but the opportunities attract a certain type to the profession every year. Women, to their inevitable downfall, are helplessly attracted to this type of person. They picture me on the battle grounds of the startup front, typing as fast as my masculine hands will take me and reading as fast as my eagle eyes can pass over a page. Knocking down book after book like a mad gunner in a prairie bunker, I absorb knowledge with an evil vengeance all to carve my own space among the tech giants of the corporate world.

They see the amazing speed at which I develop Web 2.0 applications, all to gain the advantage of first on the hill so that I may become king and destroy those who climb alongside me. They gawk at the amazing amount of Pepsi’s and carbohydrates I need to fuel me for the day and marvel at the boyish figure I’m still able to maintain. They fear the current of novel ideas pulsing through my powerful mind and wonder all the while how it is that I deal with so much danger on a daily basis and still survive.

The secret is something I discovered many years ago. It’s an awakening discovery and I’m about to spill it so prepare yourselves:

Danger Never Takes a Vacation.

Bam! There it is. Now that you’ve heard it you know it’s true and you probably see life completely differently. It doesn’t. It never vacates. While you put yourself to bed in your comfy home in the suburbs after your long day at your cushy corporate job that you got because of your fancy college degree and all of your sappy community service, you might think you’ve got it all figured out and danger has left you for the allure of fresh tropical drinks on the beaches of Brazil, but you would be wrong. Dead wrong, and maybe even dead. It hasn’t left, it’s still there, it never, ever, in a billion years, vacates.

After this realization two things may happen to you. Your awareness to the surrounding danger cripples you with fear and you helplessly cling to men such as myself who are seemingly immune to it. This is the path taken by the women I’ve discussed. In the other path, you will realize that the danger has been there all along and you’ve been surviving just fine. In this case you will be inspired to grab your metaphorical hatchet, tear off your suffocating clothing and run into the untamed forest looking for something to kill. In either case your awareness of the danger will dramatically heighten your appreciation for life.

Some readers might find what I’ve written to be a little grandiose, but I assure you everything I’ve said is completely true, or rather it probably would be if the life of a startup founder ever crossed paths with women…

Dave

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6 comments
  1. Steve (aka The Steve) said:

    Dave, that was f*cking hilarious. Well written too, but seriously, I was rolling by the end. I wish I was half the stud you are.

  2. Shrey said:

    Dave,
    “Women, to their inevitable downfall, are helplessly attracted to this type of person.” Nice, very nice! I was laughing so hard when I read that! What exactly are you doing in CA again?

    Priyesh: Maine kaha tha na..paagal hai!

    Just kidding Dave..there is truth to what you say, a lot of girls like ‘dangerous’ men, but, for women, sooner or later darwin/biological instincts kick in and then they need someone who can ‘provide’ for them & their children, so the ideal of course will always remain that comfy bed and regular paycheck, whether they do that for themselves or as you put it “helplessly cling to men who are immune to it”, they try their best to achieve it. Anyway, debates aside, looks like you’re having a good time . I promise I will keep visiting you blog!

  3. Karen said:

    There is a certain attraction to men with clean finger nails and fair skin ( lack of sun light ) aquired by being in an office enviroment. Sometimes you may catch them in their wild state and they can blend into the enviroment so close that you can not see them. Not all of us are looking for men
    in tights that can save the world.

  4. Jared said:

    Honestly, the whole time I read that, the question in the back of my head that I was gonna ask you was, “But have you actually met any women and witnessed this happen?” And then you answered my question in your last paragraph! Genius!

  5. Jim said:

    Seriously and surprisingly, that is entirely not true.

  6. dbosson said:

    This should be read at every college commencement.

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